Confused

We are facing more questions now by a new group of peoplu - regarding our medications, mental health and financial stability. For those of you who know us... Yes, we are simply mind-blown. If I am correct in my count, this is the 5th time we have been asked to provide answers regarding these very same topics. 

When we received the news of more questions, our immediate thoughts were to QUIT. I wanted to throw in the towel and run as fast as I could. 

I called our agency rep and asked her HOW I could possibly come up with new information for the very same questions??? Even our doctors have said that there isn't much more to say about our health. They have stated multiple times that our medication and health have NO IMPACT on our parenting abilities. What more could we say? Our rep was quick to list off a few things that they might want to hear. However, our doctors cannot write letters to simply appease the what ifs. 

This is so bizarre. 

And the financial questions?? Whatever. 

And they want us to have 3 skype interviews with them next week. What in the world do you say in three interviews??? Nervous. 

So I am torn. 

Do I put on my big girl pants and do this work? Go from person to person requesting more of the same? Sit at the computer and put on a smile for these interviews, trying not to cry over the stress and sadness of it all? 

I am so confused. 

I get it. Adoption is HARD. I want to cry out to God, have mercy!!! I am so over this process!!! 

Then, the face of a child rushes into my head. A child who waits. A child who would have to wait for another family to endure this insanity. And I ask myself if I can muster the strength to go at this again. And part of me says yes. My 7 yr old cries asking if Rose will ever get to come home to live with us. And when I hear him and see him, I want to fight. What if it was him? In a home, without a family. Would I fight? YES! 

In my heart, though, I know they can still ultimately say no. "It's the nature of international adoption" says my rep. 

Well, when I signed up for this, I had NO IDEA about the craziness I was going to go through. I cannot put my life on hold anymore for this country. I might muster the strength to endure. But it won't be pretty. I'm going to have to work really hard not to be an ugly person to be around. The stress makes me crazy. Paul Vincent asks "are you stressed out, Mommy?" Oh yes, dear child. Yes.